Navigating Social Anxiety & Christmas
I used to berate myself for days after any sort of social interaction - cringing and replaying moments in my head - believing I wasn't interesting enough / I wasn't funny enough / I was awkward - the list goes on - and a really quite liberating reframe for me personally for of all of this is - it's actually quite self-obsessive to think people care as much! What I have found since is that usually awkward interactions are because on some level / from either party there's a layer of non-authenticity. The easiest interactions- I believe - are where both people are authentic, honest and curious in some way. People don't remember what you said / did but how you made them feel. The easiest way to be - is just to be yourself - but sometimes I have found the below quite helpful if there's something coming up that you're dreading!
1. gratitude - it might feel counterintuitive and frustrating - but prepping a list of things about the event that you're grateful about can be really helpful. Sometimes when we dread things it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Gratitude can be for the smallest elements of it too - I am grateful I get to experience X venue / food etc. Our focus and then vibration shifts from dread to appreciation & if you look like you d
2. Imagine the best-case scenario - Instead of thinking you have to be the entertainer / court jester in any situation - I think instead: how do I want to FEEL at XYZ / what do I want to experience? Who do I want to talk to and learn about? Part of living intentionally is to find joy and gratitude in the micro moments of life. Write a short paragraph on the best case scenario for the event - and play it in great detail in your mind.
3.Also do work through the worst case - but don't dwell on it - what is honestly the worst that can happen? And then 'take your thoughts to court' - what evidence do I have to support that this will happen? Is this self-sabotage? Do I believe this is what I am deserving of? What age am I mentally when I think this? How can you give yourself compassion and support for thinking this way.
4. control what you can control / plan what you can plan -
We can't control other people and their behaviour. And although one of the most freeing breakthroughs in my own self development has been to be in my yin, plan less and bring authenticity to situations - sometimes some planning DOES help us feel better. Often there's an unpredictability to an event that can be overwhelming - citymapper your route there/ times to arrive and leave / your outfit. Part of the joys of being human beings is human connection and conversation - we can learn so much from eachother, from our experiences and perspectives - better questions = better conversations and connections - from both sides! If I'm meeting someone for the first time i'll think what do I really want to know
5. Alcohol reframe
If you know you use alcohol as a social crutch - try and do one night with one drink and see how different you feel. Often the fear and anxiety alcohol can give us, changes our whole experience of the event and creates a cycle where we think we need it even more. A really nice reframe is "am I doing this to escape, or celebrate?"